In a moment of utter folly, I shall now ramble at length until I feel less scatterbrained. I'm sorry if you're forced to read this against you will. If you are the forcer, might I suggest a more determined effort to enforce more punishing torture upon those you dislike.
I sit on the brink of a longish weekend which will involve awesome Doctor Who and (at present) little else. I feel like I should be putting together a to do list and planning the accomplishment of goals but above all else I can't be bothered.
I have three days of no work in which I could finish watching HIMYM season four, actually see a film (perhaps, *gasp*, at the cinema), go to the pub with some people or maybe even make some kind of video perhaps via some kind of outdoors endeavour.
Irritatingly, I'm pretty sure that my free time of this weekend will be spent playing on my DS while simultaneously absorbing background Big Brother. Neither thing I dislike but neither thing worth shouting or enthusing about.
It's partially a money issue. I love my jaunts to visit the internet people, but they do have the side effect of reducing my spare funds to a trickle at best and a fully tapped out drought at worst. It's a self perpetuating monster. I work almost all extra shifts suggested to me for extra funds. This leads to staying up late each night catching up with people and the internet in general. This leads to me getting up late for work which in turn leads to having to spend money on the train for the minor added speed burst that gets me through work's doors just in time to not be chastised. All of the above is why I am often rushing and poor.
It's partially a motivation issue. I've had a few ideas recently of videos I could make or booths I could do and then not following through with actually making either. The utterly marginal dedication to anything solid has always been lacking in me and it shows no sign of being cultivated long term. This leads to me being annoyed at myself for not getting anything done but feeling powerless to break the cycle. Getting out of the rut would require a plan that I feel I'm unable to make. I should try and figure out the root cause but again, planning.
It's partially a people availability/willingness/location issue. My local friends are, for the most part, in a job with typical weekday hours and/or in a relationship and/or as broke as I am. This means they have work in the morning and/or prior commitments and/or no funds. This means I have the opportunity to do diddly and/or jack and/or squat. It's not their fault by any means. They have lives and their own concerns and I have a tendency to not plan ahead when it comes to them while also moaning when a plan of their's is short notice and -I'm- working. I also feel like I'm an imposition almost anytime I suggest anything due to the half-bakedness of my plans and the kinds of things I want to do being lame/dull/questionable in their merit.
Put simply, I lack confidence in my ability to suggest enjoyable things and therefore put it off or suggest it very mildly leading to nothing happening at all. This is why I'll probably end up sat in my room for the weekend doing very little.
Help or activities welcome.
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well, I don't know if I understood the part of being broke because of internet friends.
ReplyDeletebut I know about working much and time problems regarding local gatherings.
I wouldn't say that planning needs practise... just go ahead and send a message to everybody you feel like having around for a movie night or a karaoke evening or... a sit-in? ^^
what about parlor games?
some days ago I got re-introduced to yahtzee which was fun :-D
what I'm trying to say is that meeting people doesn't necessarily have to involve much money.
of course, the first step would be the invitation/suggestion and then the timing issue.
and if you can't find company this time, try not to feel bad about it, because next week things might look different.
apart from that I recommend going outside at least once a day. ^^
just my two cents :-)